I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
