Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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