is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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