4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
