apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
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