I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
