she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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