Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
