dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
