My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Randomize
