He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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