That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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