Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
