i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
