hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We left the knife in your bed.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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