Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
