I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
