What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
