I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
