my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
