Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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