It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
my being single is dangerous.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My ATM looks so different sober.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
