Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
