I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize