Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
