Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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