Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
