the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
