You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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