u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
