I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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