I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
