I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
