I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Vodka?
Forever.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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