I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
