If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
