you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
