mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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