oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
