Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
