Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
