She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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