What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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