areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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