just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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