U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
