I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
MIDGETS
????
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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