Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My vagina just recognized that song.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
