I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
