i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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