hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
